I can't even put into words the fear that I feel when I know what could happen. It is so hard when you want the end to come so badly, but at the same time it is your biggest fear because you don't know what the outcome will be.
I can't remember my life or my world before I had Morgan; it all seems so distant and trivial at best. I may not have given birth to her in the conventional sense, but she was born in my heart as my own child. I love her with a fierceness that I have never felt before. She is mine and I am hers. I feel that I have been prepared my whole life for this journey and I can only hope that it is a journey that will continue to last a lifetime. I would be honored to be given a lifetime with this special child of God, but am so grateful for the time that I have been given. I have seen a life blossom. I can not tell you the progress that Morgan has made in the 20 months that I have had her. She is a smart, inquisitive, loving, strong-willed, tender hearted, perfect child who brightens my life every day (even though her greatest joy these days is ruining all of her clothes playing in the red dirt at school) ; ). Most days I kind of laugh about this with friends and family, but Morgan cries most days when she gets on the bus to go to school. She skips down the driveway every morning only to climb two steps up the bus and turn to reach out to me and say, "but Mommy, I will miss you." And I mean pretty much EVERY day. Oh my, to tell you what progress this is that she even trust someone enough to let them know that she loves you this much and trusts that you will come and get her when you are finished at work. She says she wants to be a Mommy when she grows up, a nice one she says. At night time, if she isn't already asleep when I put her to bed or if she is still partially awake, she will say "There is no reason to be scared 'cause God will protect me." These are just a few of the things that she says every day that just GET me. They cause my heart to do little flips in my chest and make me realize that my cup truly runneth over. Morgan has made me GET IT, she makes me realize all the good things in life that I might normally take for granted.
So, I guess I rambled on forever to say this. I KNOW that prayer works. I have seen it work in many ways in my life (and in some of my blogger buddies lives recently too). I would like to ask all of you, my blogger sisters, to please pray for Morgan and everyone involved in this case. Please pray for me to have strength, the lawyers and case workers the clarity and knowledge that they need to make the judge see all of the evidence, and also pray for Morgan's mom because I can't imagine what it will be like for her when TPR occurs whether Morgan goes to her aunt or stays with me. I just ask please PRAY and when you are finished pray some more.
I know that God has great things planned for both mine and Morgan's lives and I just have to have faith that whatever may come I can remember that.
In the meantime, here is a picture of Morgan to inspire all of you prayer warriors out there.
