Farewell party for Maddie

Today, we went to Maddie's going away party at the Big Cheese's. It was so sad. I didn't expect that it would be just as hard as when she left my house. I started bawling as soon as I saw her. All the what if's started to roll through my mind. Ughh....after about 10 minutes I pulled it together and didn't tear up again. We really did have fun and I am so thankful that her current foster parents are so sweet and invited us to come and allowed Bethie and her kiddies to come too. This is Maddie and her foster Daddy with her crown on.

They had a cake, which her foster mom was not going to let Maddie have any, Maddie had her own plans....

She successfully got into it twice! And her Mimi & Papa let her have cake and pizza when the parents weren't looking!!! The kids had so much fun. This is Morgan up on the big screen.

And I really thought that Maddie would hate this guy, but she LOVED him! All the kids did. He literally couldn't get away from them!

This is the Andersons' other foster child, Tristan. They got him about 2 months ago and he is completely adorable! DFCS wants to make him and Morgan their poster kids!

Livi & Morgan got to play some together. Of course, they loved that.

The last ride of the evening....

Morgan loving on her Maddie. She just can't get enough of her.

I'll leave you with a pic of the baby girl that I will always wonder about. The one that will forever feel like mine. I still wonder how people do this for years and years and say good-bye to so many. Sometimes I think that I will never get over losing Maddie. It does help to know that she is going to a great home and is going to be immensely loved. Ughhh....I gotta stop the tears have come back again!!!!

Sweet, sweet angel girl!

More Snow...

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Snow, Snow, Snow!!!!

Ok, I will have to be the first to admit that I never thought that it would actually snow last night. Then it started to flurry a little. We went on to gymnastics class and came out to some major snow. Kids were screaming and running around. We rushed home so that we could play before it stopped.

Morgan says, "It's snowing, Mommy. Look!!"

She immediately started trying to catch snowflakes on her tongue. She had seen the older kids outside of the gym doing it. Too cute!!!

I had been scared that it would stop, but as you can see it just kept on coming down!!!!

And Morgan has been practicing making snow angels for a week in the floor at home. She says that they have been doing it at school. It was hilarious to watch her do it in real snow. She just giggled and giggled. I think that we had about 20 angels in our front yard. She would do one and jump up and fall right back down to do another.

Here is yet another snow angel. She got really good at it!!! She has her eyes closed in both pictures because the snow kept falling on her face.

After about 15 minutes she got cold.....and Morgan doesn't like to be cold.... So, we came in. She must have tired herself out after gymnastics and playing in the snow. I came into the room from cooking and found her cuddled up in the floor with her baby and blanket.

It just kept on and on snowing. By about 9 or 10 we were covered over. I wished that it hadn't of rained so that Morgan could have played in all of it today. But, I hear that we may get it again this weekend! This morning they were talking about it on the radio and Morgan said "Snow?!?! They said snow!!!"

Panel Review

This is going to be an unusual post for me as I usually try to leave the more technical side of fostering outside of this blog. But, I couldn't let what happened Friday go without mention to my dear blogger friends. Friday morning we had a panel review for Morgan's case. Simply put, a panel review is a panel of volunteer citizens who basically hear all sides of the case out and then make a recommendation to the court as to how to proceed with the case. This was the first panel review that I have had to go to and I was really nervous as we are getting to the critical 12 month mark in the case. I have really tried to be hopeful about all of it for me and Morgan, but try as I might I still feel badly for her mom. The poor girl just doesn't realize that life can be better than not working and going from shelter to shelter living and finding organizations to feed and clothe you. As Morgan's parent aide said, "this is just a classic example of love just isn't always enough." She has made absolutely no progress on her case plan at all.

As I have have told everyone before the role of a foster parent often feels like life on a roller coaster. Thursday evening I was opening the mail and got a letter from our resource worker stating that the 15th was her last day. Morgan's case worker also is due to have a baby girl in April. Along with the pressure of the panel review I could just feel my world start to crumble. These are the two people that I trust immeasurably. I can't imagine being in the DFCS world without them! I tried to calm myself down.....tell myself that even though I don't see purpose or reason that God does. So many times in my life it seems that I just can't find reason in a situation and I struggle and struggle. Years or sometimes months later I look back and say Thank You God for he always know what is best for my life. So now, that is how I always try to calm myself. It seems that "his ways are higher than ours" is often a mantra in my life. So, after calming down I tried to re-focus on the next day and what it might bring.

Friday morning me and Morgan had such a sweet time together before leaving to go (and yes she did have to go with me). When we got there everyone was very friendly. They asked me and Morgan some basic questions and gave me the opportunity to express anything that I would like the panel to know and we then went outside in the hall to wait. Morgan knew nothing of the tension that was so thick as she played with her toys and we read books. I was really worried that she would want her mother and run to her even though everyone that sees them together assured me that she wouldn't. Well, I was very surprised when she seemed to want nothing to do with her. I could tell that it really upset her mother. We didn't have a long wait until everyone came out and our case worker and CASA worker said that they thought that they really got their point across. We talked about Morgan and how she was doing and about 10 minutes later they called everyone back in to tell them their recommendation.

To my surprise they recommended termination!!! That means that they recommended that the court terminate the mothers biological rights to Morgan. I asked my case worker, "So, just how big is this?" and she responded "HUGE!" We will have a court date within 30 days to file for termination. That means that before we go to court the judge will read all of this and know everything that was said and what the recommendation was before he walks into the court room that day.

I am sure that this doesn't mean that I jumped off the roller coaster completely, but perhaps it does mean that the first few big hills are over and now we are onto the smaller ones towards the end of the ride.

New Years with the Girls!

I spent the first day of the New Year with my 2 favorite little girls, Morgan & Madison! Madison came to stay with us for the afternoon and we had a ball.

She is such a little chubby now. Who would have thought 4 or 5 months ago that she would get so chubby. I love it! Check out her short little legs in this pic.

I found out that it seems Madison is probably going to live with a relative placement in a few weeks. We all feel pretty good about it. Her case worker has very high standards and she approved them. It is a young couple, and they already have a whole nursery ready and waiting for little Maddie. It made this visit a little extra special as it could be the last time that we see our little Maddie.

Morgan still just adores her. She played with her and read her a book. Madison would just laugh and laugh at Morgan.

Here is a pic of me with my girls. Just look at those chubby little legs!!!!

We had a great time and we will never forget little Maddie. Hopefully, we will see her again. If we don't the time that we spent with her will forever be etched in my heart and she will forever be in my prayers.

We Love You Always Sweet Little One!!!!!