Upcoming Court Dates

Well ladies, I don't think that I have written a more personal blog since the one right before I got Morgan. I have known for a few weeks that we have new court dates of October 21st &22nd. I haven't said anything to anyone because they have been delayed continuously since July; however, it now seems that these are firm dates. This will be for TPR (termination of parental rights) and placement. The TPR we are not so worried about. Not 1 item on Morgan's mothers case plan has been achieved and just so that you get a grasp on the situation this was not hard stuff. The major things were stable housing with the exception of living with her parents (who technically aren't her legal parents because their rights were terminated when she was about 12 I believe), a stable job for at least 6 months (she hasn't had a job at all since last summer), she doesn't have a drivers license and can't read very well and refuses to get tutored for her GED. I feel really sorry for her because I know that she loves Morgan. It is just a classic case of love is not enough and she doesn't even GET IT. She just literally does not understand that there is a better life available, it is a sad situation. Her aunt is what we are really worried over. Her home evaluation was approved by her county (who approves everything) but was denied by DFCS. She filed a motion to intervene so now we will have to fight it out in court. Just some of the reasons why this is not a good option is this aunt half raised Morgan's mom, she is on disability, she is older, she has a live in boyfriend whom she says that she can't marry because it will affect her disability payment, and this live-in boyfriend has a 6 year old with his own set of issues. Those are just a few of the highlights and not even the best ones, trust me there are more! I believe to quote her exactly when the GAL asked her if she was prepared to deal with the problems that would come with getting Morgan she responded, "What is there to fixin' one more peanut butter sandwich?". Are you kidding me???? I am lucky because I truly could not have hand picked a better case worker, who me and Morgan both love dearly. The CASA is great, the Guardian Ad Lidem is wonderful and Morgan's therapist is going to carry great weight with the court. I feel truly blessed that we have this great team working for Morgan. The SAG representing this case feels strongly that we don't have anything to worry about. But I am beyond worried. Court isn't expected to be over in 2 days. The case worker says that it will take at least 3 if not more to get through all the witnesses. After every witness has been called the judge has up to 30 days to decide his ruling and they have told me to expect him to take all of it.

I can't even put into words the fear that I feel when I know what could happen. It is so hard when you want the end to come so badly, but at the same time it is your biggest fear because you don't know what the outcome will be.

I can't remember my life or my world before I had Morgan; it all seems so distant and trivial at best. I may not have given birth to her in the conventional sense, but she was born in my heart as my own child. I love her with a fierceness that I have never felt before. She is mine and I am hers. I feel that I have been prepared my whole life for this journey and I can only hope that it is a journey that will continue to last a lifetime. I would be honored to be given a lifetime with this special child of God, but am so grateful for the time that I have been given. I have seen a life blossom. I can not tell you the progress that Morgan has made in the 20 months that I have had her. She is a smart, inquisitive, loving, strong-willed, tender hearted, perfect child who brightens my life every day (even though her greatest joy these days is ruining all of her clothes playing in the red dirt at school) ; ). Most days I kind of laugh about this with friends and family, but Morgan cries most days when she gets on the bus to go to school. She skips down the driveway every morning only to climb two steps up the bus and turn to reach out to me and say, "but Mommy, I will miss you." And I mean pretty much EVERY day. Oh my, to tell you what progress this is that she even trust someone enough to let them know that she loves you this much and trusts that you will come and get her when you are finished at work. She says she wants to be a Mommy when she grows up, a nice one she says. At night time, if she isn't already asleep when I put her to bed or if she is still partially awake, she will say "There is no reason to be scared 'cause God will protect me." These are just a few of the things that she says every day that just GET me. They cause my heart to do little flips in my chest and make me realize that my cup truly runneth over. Morgan has made me GET IT, she makes me realize all the good things in life that I might normally take for granted.

So, I guess I rambled on forever to say this. I KNOW that prayer works. I have seen it work in many ways in my life (and in some of my blogger buddies lives recently too). I would like to ask all of you, my blogger sisters, to please pray for Morgan and everyone involved in this case. Please pray for me to have strength, the lawyers and case workers the clarity and knowledge that they need to make the judge see all of the evidence, and also pray for Morgan's mom because I can't imagine what it will be like for her when TPR occurs whether Morgan goes to her aunt or stays with me. I just ask please PRAY and when you are finished pray some more.

I know that God has great things planned for both mine and Morgan's lives and I just have to have faith that whatever may come I can remember that.

In the meantime, here is a picture of Morgan to inspire all of you prayer warriors out there.