Much more real......

Hello blogger buddies! I haven't had too much to blog about this week. It has been all work, work, work. Pretty boring.

Since I have nothing much to blog about I think that I might use my new blogger buds as a sounding board, if you will grant me that. As most of you know I am in the process of becoming a foster parent. Last Friday I found out that I am finally approved. That pretty much means that they could call at any minute any day now. With this realization, the thought that a child could be thrust at me at any minute now seems somehow much more real. Long gone are the days of worrying about paper work and home studies. And somehow I long for them, even though I prayed for that stage to come to an end. But lets face it anyone can do paperwork and tell their lives story to a stranger. Now comes the hard part. Most of the time all I ever hear is how brave I am, but I am really not. I am terrified. I know that it sounds weird but I am not scared of getting a child.....I am much more terrified that I won't be able to help the child. These kids have been abused and neglected and I pray every day and night that I will somehow have the knowledge that I will need to help them. Most of all that God will prepare my heart for the things to come. My biggest desire in life right now is to be able to love and help these kids grow and give them a knowledge of their Heavenly Father. And yet, somehow, to be able to let them go if that time comes.

This is a big decision that I made knowing all of these things. I thought that I had prepared myself. But the thought of doing it and the realization that it could come any day now is totally different. Now that I am that one step closer I just have to pray that my heart is right with God and that I am walking in his will. Because I know that he will be with me and if I just stop to listen he will tell me what I need to know.

Well, thanks guys for letting me get that out. You just can't be brave all the time!